Ups and Downs

It has been a whirlwind of ups and downs the past couple of weeks. I apologize for not posting as often as I had planned during the last week. I’m very grateful for all the responses to our journey and my book. People have shared parts of their journey with me; both highs and lows. It’s been an emotional time.

I have heard from some who just don’t want to talk or read about the disease affecting their loved ones and their family members. I’m hopeful for their healing as I reflect on the fact that they’ve contacted me to share their sorrow.

I’m such a “need to know”,  “heart on my sleeve” person. I have to apologize for not being more conscious of those very deep feelings. I should have been as I remember the first days when we had so much to learn and face and how each of us in our own way did not want to know anymore than we absolutely had to know. We didn’t want to have to face what lie ahead. We wanted it to be a very bad dream that would go away when we awoke. It didn’t go away. We had to face it and survive. Now we can, at times, talk about the heart-wrenching moments with each other and we can share the happier times with great love.

I’m sad for those who have such a difficult time trying to heal from all the wounds Alzheimer’s Disease causes. I have always referred to those wounds as “perpetual sorrow”. It’s a sorrow that lies just beneath your skin and without even a second’s notice erupts to bring on full-fledged sorrow which stirs up all the emotion you thought you had put to rest.

Perhaps it will always be that way. I was, however, encouraged the other day when another blogger wrote she finds the memories of her mother prior to Alzheimer’s Disease are becoming stronger as the memories of the years with the disease are fading at least a little. I think it’s important to hang onto our memories of our loved one, who they were, their many accomplishments, loves, hobbies, their successes and failures that made them they person we love.

I don’t have answers, just our/my experiences. I invite you to share yours here as you are able. Perhaps we can help each other on our respective and unique journeys. ~ Lynda

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6 thoughts on “Ups and Downs

  1. The stories you share in your book are a beautiful reminder to us all that we can hold dear the memories of our loved ones. I’m a little saddened by the fact that my grandmother — my father’s mother — passed away of this disease when I was a child. She even lived with us for a while.

    As the years rolled one into the other following her death, my memories of her began to fade. I recall that she was a sweet lady, but I wish I had sharper memories of who she was before all that…

    • I’ve heard from many people who feel the same as you. I wish I had words of wisdom for you. The only thing I have is hold on to the memories you do have, regardless of how faint, and trust that we have what we have and with that can choose to find a way to create “memory-making moments” for the next in line. May God continue to bless our respective journeys.

  2. Lynda, I’m one of those who isn’t ready to read your book. I’ve been wanting to contact you but the memories just keep flooding back. It’s been just over a year since my sister passed away. Her last year was so overwhelming sad living with such anger, hate (especially towards me) & fear. It was only by the grace of God and His presence giving me strength, that I could continue to visit my sister. Each journey is so different. I’m so thankful there was a place for her with very specialized care. I sure miss her.

    • Gerri,
      When, and if ever, you are ready to read my book is not the issue.You are so right in that each journey is unique. What’s important now is your healing.
      I think the anger from our loved one is one of the most difficult challenges to deal with; we know it’s the disease that’s causing the behavior but it still hurts our heart deeply.
      I’ve heard it said, and for me it’s true, that as time begins healing the pain, we remember more of the good times and the devastating memories start to fade; at least a little. I pray this will be Gods gift to you as well. As I continue to keep you in my prayers I ask my readers and bloggers to pray too as they are called. I don’t have the gift of healing, but I can listen.
      I’m available if you want to get together. Love in Christ, Lynda

      • Lynda, I’m ok today. When I focus on the dementia, it’s a downer! When I think about my sister, I do fine. As she took her last breath, I thanked God. “Absent from the body, present with the Lord.” For her there was no more pain, anger, or fear. When someone comes out of a coma in the hospital, they are so agitated they need restraints and someone is with them 24 hours a day. My sister’s journey was in the reverse. The day’s before her death, she would just spin in the bed and always grabbing for something. I would spend the day with her. Evenings there would be a staff member and I would go to the motel to recharge. My sister had 3 sons but only one came during her last weeks. Of course, I want to get together! Keeping the little rock in my prayers, Gerri

      • As always, you are incredible and your faith has given you the strength you needed for you and your sister. It’s such a blessing as a Christian to know our loved ones are in a better place with our Father and we will see them again, in their and our perfect God created image. send me a message so we can get together. The book signings have kept me joyously busy but the week of the 15th is pretty open. Lj

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